Our church has a funny name, but a serious mission. We don’t really think that bacon is God. That would be crazy.
We do love the smell of bacon, though, and that can be turkey bacon or vegetarian bacon if you have a problem with pork.
We say we pray to bacon — Praise the Lard! — to get you to laugh at us. Go ahead! We have fun with it ourselves all the time. Ask questions of us and soon you’ll find yourself making a little fun of other religions, too. Is worshipping bacon really any stranger than transubstantiation, the Catholic belief that communion wafers become human flesh? Or that god hates Jewish men and Muslim women who don’t cover their head? When you think about it, religions all have some crazy.
We mean no disrespect, but why is it that religions take offense at being questioned? With questions,
we verify the honesty and competence of our politicians, our auto mechanics, and our doctors. Don’t religions want to be verified, too?
Religious bias is even written into the law. Religions get special privileges because our society says that secular non-profits aren’t as good, and nonbelievers are inferior. That’s not right. Why can’t you buy beer on Sunday in some pockets of the United States? It is not fair.