• Praise Bacon

Our Beliefs

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1. Be Skeptical.

We are a church of skeptics and atheists. Our religion is to doubt religion. We are a non-prophet organization.

Keep learning. Accept scientific consensuses. Promote science and reason.

2. Respect Boundaries.

We accept anyone into the church and you may worship another God besides Bacon.

However, we support separation of church and state. Faith-based arguments from one group of people have no business in government decisions that affect all of the people.

Religious organizations that pressure government to their worldview violate the basic rights of minority religions and non-religious people of the world.

3. Normalize Atheists.

We oppose discrimination against nonbelievers. Religious people are not superior to the rest of us. Skeptics and atheists do not lack a moral compass. We are an important and growing minority. We deserve a normalized, respected place in families, communities, and public discourse.

It’s not enough to notice discrimination. We need speak up when it happens.

4. Normalize Religion.

We oppose special privileges in the law for religious organizations. There is nothing about people of faith and their groups that makes them better than secular non-profits.

5. Have Fun.

We have fun. We mock all beliefs, even our own. At least Bacon is demonstrably real, unlike God, but some skeptics even question this “theory”.

6. Be Good.

Unlike some religions, we don’t get tangled in unproveable supernatural interpretations of goodness that might be manipulated or misinterpreted to justify anything. Just be kind to people while respecting their boundaries.

Baconists love people of all races, backgrounds, sexual orientations, genders, and beliefs. The divine smell of bacon is bestowed equally on all people (except those who have no sense of smell, for whom baconists feel much pity)

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7. Be Generous.

Like some religions teach, you should love your neighbor. That’s why we encourage giving to a list of recommended charities.

8. Praise Bacon!

Bacon is our god, but that’s just a term of endearment. We don’t believe that Bacon is actually spiritual, though smelling it is surely a Divine Experience. We also like donuts because they are Holey.

In the beginning there was the Big Bang, which begat all of time and space. Eventually sacrificial pigs evolved and the God of Bacon came to be.

Praise Bacon! If you don’t like pigs, you may praise Vegetarian Bacon or Turkey Bacon. Or just love the smell.

Bacon is not jealous. You may have other gods or no gods before Bacon.

We are entirely different from those who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for we prefer our pasta on top of our bacon, while they prefer their bacon on top of their pasta. But that’s cool. Again, we accept everyone who loves the smell of bacon. Also, bacon is real.

The Great Mystery of Bacon is whether it is male or female. Bacon Prophet and Founder John Whiteside has listened closely to frying Bacon and has been unable to determine its gender from the sound of sizzle. He found that the more he turned up the heat, the more aggressive Bacon got. We do not need to understand all mysteries about Bacon to love the smell of Bacon.

9. Protest Bias in the Law

By asking for legal privileges on behalf of a Bacon God, the United Church of Bacon illustrates how every church has strange beliefs and that’s no basis for bias in the law. Religious people are not superior to nonreligious people, and religious organizations do not deserve special legal privileges above secular non-profits.

Religions receive many unfair privileges, including not needing to report how donations are spent, an oversight that would limit abuse.

The United Church of Bacon does report its expenditures and aims to give a larger portion of its budget to good causes than any other church in the United States.

We need to take religions off of their pedestal and give them the same treatment as secular non-profits.

Our Mission

Acting on our beliefs gives us a mission! Read more about who we are and our mission.

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