• Praise Bacon

Get Ordained in the United Church of Bacon

Why Become an Officiant?

Want to perform legal marriages? Getting ordained in the United Church of Bacon is the first step. Then you must apply to your local city or state through a clerk’s office. (Just to reiterate that, getting our certificate is not enough by itself to perform weddings. You must take your certificate to your local clerk’s office and make a further application based on local and state laws.)

A friar always keeps Bacon at hand.

As a “friar” of the United Church of Bacon, you help others through their biggest life transitions. You speak words of comfort at a funeral. You channel their hopes and dreams for a newborn child’s ceremony. You celebrate the best day of their lives when they get married.

You will play a central role in a day that they and their guests will never forget. And you can help them do it in a way that is meaningful to them, free from mainstream religions and God.

It’s a wonderfully fulfilling way to make a difference in the world.

The Rules

Officiants must follow four rules:

  1. Accept no gifts. As an officiant, you may not accept money or gifts for your work. Our church accepts no donations either. Instead, direct those you serve to give to the charities we recommend.
  2. Be professional. We have a lot of fun with our bacon name, but we work hard to be good at our jobs. Make your ceremonies great. Adapt to the wishes of those you serve. Make us proud. Contact us for ceremonial ideas, or make up your own.
  3. Be secular. When asked, “What is the United Church of Bacon?” you should be familiar with our beliefs, our mission and our services. Form a secular, skeptic philosophy of the world that’s specific enough that you can articulate it clearly to others.
  4. Want to Serve. Every year or two, we’ll contact you to ask whether you are active. It’s fun to display a United Church of Bacon certificate on your wall, but we ask you to actually officiate once in a while to keep your status.

How to Get Ordained

Apply below and we will get back to you quickly. If you are approved, you will get a certificate that you can print and bring to your local clerk’s office. They can direct to whatever other paperwork must be submitted. The United Church of Bacon is a real, legal church. If you get pushback and discrimination, contact us for help.

Is there a secret to getting approved? Yes! Don’t send in a joke application or one-line answers. Let us get to know you a little. We have great fun with our bacon name, but for legal reasons, please apply only if you actually intend to perform officiant services, and tell us something real about yourself and your aspirations, so that we may consider you seriously. Nearly everyone who puts real thought into their application gets approved.

First Name

Last Name


Address 1

Address 2

City, State/Province, Country

Postal Code


“Officiant”, or write in Friar, Minister, Guru, Imam, Shaman, Rabbi, or another title.

What’s your style? What’s a perfect ceremony to you? Do you already have your first event set?

Why will officiating services without God be meaningful to you?

Compared with others, why would you be an especially good candidate for official status in our church?
Also please type all the nearby place names, the big cities and states you can get to.
We search for place names when finding clergy for local services. Don’t use abbreviations.

Check spelling of your name and title. These will go on your certificate. Don’t use a very long title.


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